A few weeks ago, I smashed the back window of my car and the glass door of my house in the space of two hours…a good time to check out Lucien Auger’s writings on dealing with emotions.
Bad mood drains our energy, impairs our judgment, makes the mind strained, and damages relationships with others by obscuring our effect on them. It is precisely for this last reason that I became interested in emotions when I took up my first management position.
We can, of course, use a categorical affirmation to better articulate our state of mind, for example: I use my emotion vacuum cleaner, or: I don’t give anyone power over my mood, or again: When hit hard, I have the patience and the confidence to believe it’s temporary.
It’s a good start, but there’s a much better way.
My personal belief is that you need to tackle the root causes of bad moods instead of relentlessly repeating that everything is fine even when it isn’t.
When we are able to avoid suffering, quell our anger, bury our envy, temper our temper, and get rid of our sadness, the cream of our personality will surface for the pleasure and happiness of all.
The key lies in that famous half-second between an event and our emotion, that half-second in which thought, mental phrases, perception and judgment mingle to create our emotion.
The event is falsely blamed for generating the emotion when the events are neutral; it is our judgment that makes them happy or unhappy events.
We must therefore face our spontaneous thoughts after an unfortunate event. Is there evidence? Do my thoughts accurately describe reality? Is the event so important and the consequences so unfortunate? What am I willing to do to make things go the way I want them to?
Certain pitfalls must be avoided, beginning with rumination. Worrying about a bad Monday morning all week leads to a dismal weekend and fuels depression.
The best prescription is to say that it must be postponed, which of course leads to its being forgotten.
The second trap is imagination. When calamity strikes, the imagination tends to see it bigger, closer, and scarier. The best recipe is to ask yourself what will become of this tragedy in six months’ time.
This is how I reacted to the shattering of the two panes: I told myself that it wasn’t as bad as when I spilled half a bottle of port on a woolen blanket after a long and tiring drive in the evening!
This brings me to the intriguing terrain of worldview: hostile or optimistic? A garden to cultivate or a land riddled with pitfalls? When a door creaks, does it close or open? When selling an idea, do we feel rejected or just misunderstood? What is fascinating is the huge difference in the response of people who have lived in the same environment.
The best remedy when in doubt is to have a penchant for positive self-talk.
The final trap is blaming others in an argument instead of analyzing the situation from the other side’s point of view. Blaming others frees us from the hard work of taking charge of our destiny, facing reality squarely, and working courageously to change our uncomfortable emotions. Uncontrolled emotions can turn into a deeper feeling like anger that builds up, leading to antipathy.
When I think about it, the following statement can serve as a guide: I am not a puppet whose strings are controlled by my emotions.
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